Project 365 Redux: 2nd Jan 2013 - Get to grips with a Clarisonic

So, having managed to survive the nightmares and mental scarring that Day 1 provided, it was decided that today would be much more pleasurable. So once again, my beloved girlfriend took it upon herself to help me out and let me have a pop with her Clarisonic. According to the official website, this cunning device is described as "a Sonic Skin Cleansing System that uses a patented sonic frequency of more than 300 movements per second to clean, soften and smooth skin. In just 60 seconds, the action removes more makeup and more dirt and sebum than cleansing with your hands alone. Removing more dirt and sebum from your pores also helps prepare for a better skin care regime".

Impressed - you damn well should be.  Until you see it...



This is what I like to think of as 'The Arse Buffer'...


This is just the more delicate model.  There are bigger and better ones than this.  The biggest ones I've seen so far are at the car wash. They wash my car. Sadly they don't moisturise it.

However, my girlfriend (patience of a saint, bless her) insists it will be good for my mush to give it a whirl so in the spirit of being game...

This is the face of a beautiful man. BEAUTIFUL.

So, after 50 seconds of smooth bristles vibrating on my face (keep it clean, children...), apparently my face was glowing.  Whether this was through the benefits of the Clarisonic or because I've done my second slightly girly thing in 2 days I can't decide.  Something more 'manly' needs to be on the agenda tomorrow.  Punch a cow in the face or sommat.  Plenty of time to go.

Oh, before I forget - you lot need to be getting more involved.  Find some stuff for me to do.  Suggest stuff.  Farm it out to friends and family.  One team, one dream.  Let's dew eet!

Project 365 Redux: 1st Jan 2013 - Watch the 'Sex and The City' movie...

Happy New Year!

I say happy - this is how I've chosen to kick it off...

Kill me.  Kill me now.

The Two Disc Extended Cut with added misery and backstage footage of Sarah Jessica Parker caught with her face in a nosebag (because folk thinks she looks like a horse, innit...).  Let it be known that under normal circumstances, there is no way on Earth that I would even have this in the house but my beloved girlfriend (who even at this early stage could easily be described as 'long suffering'...) is doing her bit to support me in this endeavour (despite proclaiming "does this mean there are going to be days where I don't get to see you because you're going to be off doing something stupid?") and she happened to have it kicking about.  Apparently this year of humiliation and degradation is going to start with the mental torture.

To reassure you: I did indeed watch the movie, which centres around SJP getting jilted at the altar by Chris Noth (more impressive in Law & Order for my money), Cynthia Nixon being angry and ginger (not necessarily in that order), Kristen Davies being squeaky and dreadful at acting and Kim Cattrall... just being Kim Cattrall really.  Jennifer Hudson puts in a decent cameo and is by far and away the most 'real' thing about this movie and was responsible for most of the more heart-warming moments of the film.  By heart warming of course, I mean the "not wanting to run to the kitchen, grab the sharpest knife and paint the walls with my arteral blood" moments.

In fairness, I was warned by the back cover of the DVD where a figure no less impressive than Edith Bowman declared the movie to be "a classic".  Yet I drove on regardless.  I'm committed now.  These things need to be done.

I'm sure Day 2 will be better for both my mind, body and soul...

Project 365 Redux: The list so far...

Do bear in mind that this is in no particular order - just how things are laid out so far...

Attend a burlesque show

Attend a drag show

Attend yoga or pilates

Back, sack and crack wax

Bake a vegan cake

Barber shave

Barter in a department store

Be blind for a day

Be in a parade.

Be left handed for a day

Be naked for a day

Be someone’s slave for a day.

Benchpress my own weight

Bet £20 on red at roulette

Bet on an obscure sport

Bid at an auction

Blow something up

Break a mirror

Break a window with a baseball bat.

Brush my teeth and drink a bottle of OJ.

Build a stool

Build a wall

Burn a book.

Buy 1000 penny chews

Buy a vibrator

Buy shares in something.

Chop down a tree

Climb a mountain

Collect someone at a bus stop.

Colonic irrigation

Count to 2,000

Crush a can with my head.

Cut someone else’s toenails

Cycle a tandem bike

Cycle through a drive thru

Deliver a pizza

DJ in a department store

Do a mensa test

Do that thing with the coke and the mentos.

Do the skateboard “olly”

Don’t speak for one day

Donate blood

Dress in drag

Drink a pint of Guinness

Drive or sail a boat

Eat fruit only for a day

Eat only red food all day

Eat sushi

Enter “rate my poo” website

Fight in a boxing match

Find another Mike Dean and go for a pint with them

Finish the "chef's challenge" at Akbar's

Flip a pancake

Get a cake/pie in the face

Get a manicure

Get a tattoo from someone I went to school with

Get an action bed-jumping photo.

Get colour matched for foundation at a makeup counter

Get my fortune told

Get my shoes shined

Get one of my own t-shirts made

Get onto a bus to an unknown destination

Go a day without electricity

Go Christmas carolling

Go grape-crushing

Go horse racing

Go to a sci-fi/comic book convention

Go to Ireland

Go to the Isle of Wight

Have a car boot sale.

Have a red mohawk for a day

Have a spin in a chopper

Have my fingerprints taken

Hire a bouncing castle

Hot Air Balloon

Invent my own cocktail

Invent my own country with a flag and anthem

Invite a stranger to dinner

Juggle

Jump from one tree to another

Jump out of a moving car

Kiss a monkey

Knit a scarf

Learn and identify 10 constellations

Learn another alphabet

Learn to moonwalk

Lie in a coffin

Limo ride with the sunroof open

Make a balloon animal

Make a bath of jelly.

Make a coconut bra

Make a human pyramid

Make a lemonade stand

Make a lemon-battery

Make a pact with the devil

Make a sauce from scratch

Make a three figure bet

Make an origami rose

Make and play my own boardgame

Make pottery

Make sock puppets

Make some jewellery

Meet a pornstar

Milk a cow

Paint a picture on canvas.

Paint my nails

Perform with an established band on stage

Picnic on a roundabout

Play a song on a guitar

Pretend to be a mannequin

Put something on YouTube

Queue overnight for something.

Read a book on my Kindle

Read the entire Bible

Rent a sports car…

Rollerblade down a hill

Run 10k

Say yes for a day

Scuba dive

Send a message in a bottle

Sew a hole in something

Sing a Nickleback song at a Karaoke night

Skateboard holding a moving car

Smash a computer monitor

Smash a guitar

Smash a walnut with a sledgehammer.

Speak when spoken to

Spend a day with an imaginary friend

Spend a night in a treehouse

Spend an entire car journey tied up in the boot

Start a fire from scratch

Stick a message on a banknote

Take a dance lesson

Take a pregnancy test

Take out a personal ad

Tee off into the ocean

Trace the family tree

Try to read a book backwards

Try to understand Hitler

Visit a sensory deprivation tank

Visit an old folks home

Wakeboard

Walk a mile in someone else’s shoes

Watch all Jurrasic Park films in one day

Watch all six Star Wars films in one day.

Watch all three Lord Of The Rings films in one day

Watch an entire box series of a dreadful TV show

Wax my legs

Wear a free hugs sign- give hugs

Wear a kilt

Wear all clothes inside out

Wear leather pants

Wear odd shoes for a day

Wear pyjamas going grocery shopping.

Wear women’s underwear for a day

Weld something

Wheelchair for a day.

Work with a homeless shelter

Write a fan mail

Write a letter to the Times.

Write a song

Write my name using my toes.

Write my own obituary

Write the opening sentence of my first novel/movie script

Drink beer from the tap

Drink a pint consisting of half lager, half bitter

Celebrate a national holiday from another country

2013: Project 365 Redux

I'm an idiot.

This will come as no great surprise to the vast majority of you but there are some of you who are perhaps new to the game that may not be aware of this fact.  Maybe I've just been exceptionally good at hiding my idiotic light under the common sense bushel. Maybe you just don't give a shit.  Either way, it's good for the truth to be out there.

Those of you who pay attention to my Facebook page (the hub of all things exciting and interesting in the world) will have seen me do a little thing called Project 366, with the idea being that I would post a different song, every day, for a year.  This went relatively well - some songs were well received, others not so. There were days where it was tricky to pick anything because I wasn't in the mood and other days where I was flooded with inspiration.  Some made me laugh, others made my cry.  In any case, it was fun.  A welcome distraction from the daily grind.

Of course, this has now ended and I feel a little bit of a void where it once was. So what to fill it with...?  Well, gentle reader, this is where you come in...

Never one to rest on my ample laurels (and for laurels, read buttocks), I have decided to have a stab at something new. In fact, many things new. 365 things as it happens.  Inspired by both a blog I came across when looking for songs on YouTube (http://www.theproject366things.blogspot.co.uk/) and the fact that when it comes to doing stupid things, I'm generally in favour of it, I am going to attempt to do 365 things that I have never done before in 2013.

At time of writing, I have compiled/stolen a list of 167 things that I can potentially do that I have never done before.  Some of which are fairly bog standard, some of which won't mean anything to you but will give me some satisfaction and some will no doubt cause you to wet your pants with laughter.  Let's face it, if you weren't going to gain some amusement at my expense, it wouldn't be anywhere near as much fun.  It'd just be some dude doing stuff.

The rules are:

* It needs to be legal
* It needs to be achievable
* It needs to be something I've never done before
* It needs to be done within 24 hours

So, let's see if we can't a) give you something to talk about/laugh at (or with) and b) get involved in.  All and any help/suggestions are welcome people!

The idiocy begins again tomorrow...

"I saw the sign..."

I've been thinking a lot about signs recently.

I don't mean in terms of traffic signs or anything (although in retrospect, had I been thinking more about that then I wouldn't still be digging out chunks of pony from the engine block of my car...).  More in terms of how we interpret occurences in our lives and whether or not we can derive any deeper meaning from them or whether or not these things are just random flashpoints that converge on our location at any given point and then pass us by without any more significance that the act itself.

A lot of this thinking has been down to reflecting on a few key decisions that I've made recently that have made a fairly big impact on my life and some of the weird things that have led me to making certain choices and instances that have occured after making said choices that have reinforced my belief that I have ultimately done what I think is best for me and my general state of well-being.

Funny that I should mention belief: I'm not overly religious, mainly on account of not seeing a whole lot of good come from it in terms of wars, etc. That being said, I can also see that for those people that do believe in "God" (whatever form he/she/it may come in), just having that belief can provide comfort and a feeling of belonging in what is increasingly becoming a more uncertain world, so who am I to take that away from anyone if it's not doing me any harm?

So then the question is what do I believe?  I believe that something is out there, something that may or may not have my best interests at heart, something that is prepared to let me know when I'm doing something wrong but also prepared to offer me a little hope that I'm getting something right. 

Whether it be some kind of bizzare flash-forward to a future that statistically could almost never happen and yet knowing that if that event ever took place then everything would come together, or whether it's reading what is ostensibly nothing more than a drunken Facebook post and instantly becoming clearer about the path you should take because regardless of where that came from, it makes perfect sense.  It could even just be how you interpret being stuck behind a horse box on a journey home.

Ultimately, there could be nothing in any of these things and I'm looking for meaning in places there aren't any - however, given the recent run of weirdness that I have been experiencing, it would be foolish to discount the possibility that maybe there is something in the ether that favours a positive outcome and is working hard to that effect.

If nothing else, the fact that I got to reference Ace Of Base in the title of this latest piece of nonsense has made it all worthwhile...

Milestones and memories...

S'up people... greetings from the blogosphere.

Before anyone starts, I know I've not updated this in a while. I'm not a professional blogger so dry your eyes.  I doubt the two followers have missed my input that much.  They may have missed my sweet, sweet loving but to be honest, they aren't made of wood...

Anyway, enough of the homoeroticism (for at least 10 mins)... those of you who read my last post will know that I had good intentions of doing the Nottingham leg of the Men's Health 'Survival of the Fittest' this year in aid of the The Wayne Foundation.  This isn't happening folks... my life has been nothing short of chaotic the past few months and I've lacked motivation for pretty much everything.

However, I WILL be doing the Manchester leg of aforementioned race on Sat Nov 3rd, this time for a charity a little closer to home (if you read this Jamie, The Wayne Foundation will get the next sponsored gig I do, promise!).  The charity in question is the Willow Wood Hospice in Ashton.  The reasons why will be immediately obvious to some, not so to others, so I guess some kind of explanation is in order.

There are two main motivations here.  One is a burning desire to, with my 35th birthday looming, actually acheive something that is going to make a difference to someone's life.  Admittedly, this will be a drop in the ocean but screw it - it's a step in the right direction.  The other motivation is for a friend who benefitted greatly from the help and support that the Willow Wood Hospice gave them and while they sadly passed away last year, I've been planning for a while to put something into action and give a little something back and that opportunity has presented itself here.

Practically, this is a really dumb idea - I have essentially just under 10 weeks to get myself into some kind of shape to get this done and I'm already painfully aware that this is going to be damn hard work.  Then again, when was anything worth while doing not hard work?

Your part, gentle readers, is twofold.  I need your support and I need your money.  Make no mistake, the second one is by far and away the main reason for this so don't be tight - chuck a few quid their way and stuff gets changed. I will however probably be suffering a fair bit over the next few weeks as I embark on this venture, so any encouragement, however small, will be much appreciated.  I've set a target of £500 but I want more.  I want to smash that target to pieces.  Let's make it happen.

Sponsor me here:  http://www.justgiving.com/Mikeediablo

I'm doing the hard part.  Your part is easy.  Get on it people.

Take it easy.

Peace.

Survival of the Fattest

In the immortal words of Staind, it's been awhile...

So, at this point I've probably suckered most of you in by mentioning teenage prostitutes. This worries me... still, as I'm going to weed out the pervs straight away by stating that this is pure bait-and-switch from where you dirty so-and-so's thought I was going with this!

To business then: For those of you who have been around me for the past few years, it's not news to you that I've piled on a few pounds. I'm not exactly near the size where you have to cut the side off my trailer to get me some fresh air or anything but it's fair to say that I'm not the skinny wretch I used to be. I'm not going to get thrown off a plane a la Kevin Smith, but if you're sat next to me on a bus, it's gonna be snug. I am what the Scottish like to refer to as 'a big unit'. So, it's probably time to get serious about shifting some weight.

Problem is, I'm aware that I can be a lazy sod and as we as human beings are wont to do, we can get complacent and dial it in rather than show a level of commitment, whether it be because we are just not cut out for whatever task we set ourselves, or because we are scared to fail, thus making it easier to just not try and never experience that feeling, particularly if you are prone to negative thoughts to begin with. So with that in mind, some sort of motivation is in order - question is, where to find it?

The answer?  Right here...

http://www.smodcast.com/sminterview/

Listen to interview #2 with Jamie Walton, founder and president of The Wayne Foundation, a charity that has been set up to provide shelter and help for teenage prostitutes looking to get out of the sex trade.  This is something that Jamie has been through herself and the tale she tells is just heartbreaking. I made the mistake of listening to it at work on a Monday morning and by the time it was over, I just wasn't in the mood for doing any more work that afternoon. It's a tragic story and anyone that doesn't feel any kind of tugging at their heartstrings while listening to it probably doesn't have a heart to begin with.

The story does have a happy ending, in so much that after much help and support, Jamie is now the head of a charity that is actively trying to make a difference to these kid's lives and it's a testament to her strength of will and courage that she is able to talk about the horrors of her past in such a matter-of-fact way now. If this woman is able to rise from the ashes after something like this, it's not exactly a stretch for me to forgo the odd doughnut or go for a swim now is it?

With the above in mind, while it's all well and good that I'm going to improve myself, it's not enough for me.  I need to make this count, which brings me to the real point of this post.  October 2012, yours truly is going to be tackling this bad boy:

http://www.mhsurvival.co.uk/page35.asp

Why October 2012?  Mainly because I'm in no shape to tackle a jog to the corner shop at present (slight exaggeration but you get the point), let alone tackle something like this without being conditioned to do it. This gives me plenty of time to get some sort of structure together to build up to what is for me, quite a big challenge.  How does this affect you, you might ask? Because I'm going to be raiding your pockets that's how! Yes, I'm going to be doing this ridiculous task not just for myself, but in order to raise some money for charity - specifically The Wayne Foundation, if I can find some method of donating as I don't think I can do it via Just Giving (because of course, that would be easy...).

The irony here is that by making all of this public, I'm actually putting more weight on, certainly in terms of expectation. It's one thing to let myself down though and another entirely to let everyone who sponsors me down, so no matter whether you are donating because you feel it's a worthwhile cause or whether you just want to watch a fat man sweat and get muddy, every penny that goes in the pot will be well worth it come next October.

If anyone feels the need to help in other ways as well, be it coming for a run or a swim, recommending some tasty healthy recipes, or simply spreading the word and generating some more coin for the cause, then all help will be gratefully received.

Let's get sweaty...