Project 365 Redux: 6th Jan 2013 - Vegan Fry Up

Right, I'm bloody exhausted and this washing won't put itself away...

Had a vegan fry up for breakfast this morning and very tasty it was to.  Look, here it is:

Nom in extremis

Vegan sausage and scrambled tofu with some spring onions, cherry tomatoes and so much pepper my anus has been sneezing solidly for 5 hours now.

With much love to the good lady for making it and my lovely flatmate for being too polite to comment on the fact that I have spent most of the evening making noises that would traditionally be employed to warn ships that they were getting too close to the rocks.

One week down tomorrow.  Hopefully I will hit more milestones than millstones on this journey...

Project 365 Redux: 4th Jan 2013 - Get my nails painted

Like a miniature daschund, the next few posts are going to be short and sweet (and possibly a good source of protein).

Due to constraints on both time and money this month, owing to certain people in my life insisting on having a birthday very close after Christmas (I blame the parents...) and also allowing for the fact that I have 365 things to do and write about, it's going to have to be a given that not all of them are going to be winners.  However, they all still count in the grand scheme of things.

So, with the Channel 4 Friday Night Mashup in the background and the good lady armed with a bottle of Chanel Black Stereotype (or something equally as racist), we went from this:

Dock Worker

To this:

Sex Worker

 In keeping with the spirit of the task, I kept the nails on for 24 hours.  This spooked out no end of people, including but not limited to the friendly barista in Starbucks who provide me with the happy juice that keeps me so cheerful and well adjusted, my work colleagues (one of whom upon first sighting proclaimed me to be gay... despite being gay himself... apparently there are levels. Who knew?) and my ex who I had to go see to pick up a parcel after discovering that the good people of Amazon aren't psychic and don't automatically know when I've moved house...

The general consensus was that these didn't suit me - which to be honest is absolutely fine, especially as I found myself getting irate that I'd chipped two of them in the 24 hours that I was rocking them. Only 4 days in and I'm getting a bit concerned about the effect this is having on me.

Project 365 Redux: 8th Jan 2013 - Half Man, Half Beard

Boredom.  It's a curse.  Again, one of the reasons that I'm doing this - to stop life from becoming too humdrum and meaningless.  Not that my friends and family and loved ones and such aren't in any way entertaining or in some way deficient - indeed if it wasn't for a lot of you, I would still be selling myself for crack.  However, this project does allow me to release the crazy urges in me in more socially acceptable ways.  More or less.

Anyway, pottering round the house, mulling over what I was going to do today.  Then it hit me.

What if I only had half a beard?

Given at this point I had a couple of weeks worth of face fuzz and as I've been blessed with a face that as well as being one that only a mother could love, doesn't take too long to get a reasonable amount of growth going on, this seemed like a good time to try this out.

Dr Beardface.

Armed with a set of clippers, a razor, some shaving gel and a vague recollection of Bruce Dickinson from Iron Maiden doing something similar, I set to work...

Dr HalfBeardFace

Certainly not a look I'd be rocking down the local discotheque but it certainly had a effect on the lovely flatmate who declared it to be no less than "pretty scary".  I did consider keeping it on for the next day at work but they already think I'm a bit odd on account of the dead animal collection I have in my desk drawers.  Which reminds me, I must get round to eating that fox before it goes off...

Project 365 Redux: 7th Jan 2013 - Write some fan mail

Greetings folks.  What with one thing or another, I'd thought I'd stockpile some of these up and then blast through them all in one sitting.  I'd like to say this would heighten the excitement for you, bringing you slowly ever closer to the vinegar strokes of blog reading before finally shooting my literary wad all over your faces as you find yourself shaking and quivering with ecstasy.  Truth of the matter is, I'm a lazy so and so at the best of times and as much as I love writing, sometimes the idea of it does get a bit tedious. All good things are worth the wait though.  Suck it up.

So, confession time:  I like wrestling.

Yes, that programming with the oiled up beefcakes slapping each other about, pretending to fight each other whilst dealing with ludicrously scripted storylines, terrible acting and ridiculously sterotyped characters.  Or as I like to think of it: Eastenders with more baby oil.

Obviously my love for this stemmed from my school days when all of the classic 80's wrestlers like Hulk Hogan, Macho Man Randy Savage and the Ultimate Warrior first captured my attention. Even back then, it wasn't really cool to admit to liking wrestling but I loved the sheer over the top spectacle of it all. Mainly WWE (or WWF as it was then known) but occasionally I would dip my virtual toe into WCW when they showed it on ITV on a Saturday teatime. It's something that's drifted in and out of my life throughout the years and while I still don't watch an awful lot of it (although my friend Chis E and I watch Wrestlemania each year religiously), I still get to keep abreast of both the storyline and business aspect of it through the quite brillant website Lords Of Pain (www.lordsofpain.net)

Aside from the programme updates and all the stuff I've discovered from the various news articles, there is an impressive cadre of writers offering their tuppence worth on all aspects of the business which just add to the flavour - and of these, my favourite writer is by far and away the gentleman known as Hustle.  Not only is his writing top drawer and his opinions more often than not backed up with a slew of research and a genuine love of the subject matter but he also put together a daily post streak that topped a good two years and every single day was a delight to read, even the occasional repost where time and circumstances didn't allow for something fresh. Which in part was something that inspired this crazy challenge of mine and so with that we finally get round to the task of the day: write some fan mail. For those of you who have read this far without being bored, here it is:

Hey Hustle,

My reason for writing to you is two fold.  The first is to say a huge thank you for the work you do over at LOP - for many years now, you've been one of my favourite Main Page writers and while I don't get to watch as much wrestling as I would like, it's good folk like yourself that keep alive my interest in the product. Your columns are always interesting, insightful and laced with the kind of humour I can get behind. Oh, and I was in total agreement with you on the whole Tito/CM Punk burial thing (I loved that podcast!) :o)

The second reason I'm writing has been more a kick up the arse to write for the first reason. Like yourself, I've been a writer (on and off) for a good few years now and I've recently started a new blog documenting my attempt to do 365 new things (1 every day) for the next year - partially inspired by your amazing streak on LOP. One of the tasks was send in some fan mail and given that I've always wanted to show my appreciation for your work, this seemed like a good a time as any to do it!

If you want to check out the blog, you can find it here (http://mikeediablo.blogspot.co.uk), although this is in no way compulsory or reason for my writing to you.  I just wanted to give props where props are deserved and to once again say thank you for keeping a scruffy Northern wrestling fan from Manchester England entertained - along with the rest of the readers over at LOP - while crossing something off my list and doing something I've been meaning to so for a good while anyway!

Keep up the good work fella, it's very much appreciated!

Cheers

Mike

I've not had a response and in truth I'm not expecting one (although I think he may have had a cheeky look at the blog) - I just wanted to show some love to someone whose work I've enjoyed immensely over the past few years and hopefully will continue to enjoy for some time to come.

Project 365 Redux: 5th Jan 2013 - Write my name with my feet

Before I continue, I should give props to everyone who has gotten on board with what is the reason why I'm likely to start drinking before this year is up.  Some have said that I apparently have found my niche in life (which I'm taking as a compliment) and others have declared me to be insane (which may well be the case).  Either way, people are paying attention and I hope to have a lot more of you watching when I get to 31st December 2013 - commit suicide via live web cam broadcast.

A special heartfelt 'big up' must go to the denizens of the forum at http://chrismoyles.net/ (or judging by recent conversation about my thinning hair, the Vidal Sassoon fan club) - getting some good ideas from there from badgers and the like and it's a pleasure to have you here. Yes, Deadly, even you sweetheart.  Even you.

(As an aside, you'd be hard pushed to find a farmyard animal I haven't topped off in some capacity...)

So, now that we've got you lot out of the way, let's focus on me again shall we?  In fairness, your acquiescence matters little - it's my blog and I'll talk about myself if I want to...

Those of you who have known me for a long time will know that I am in fact a mutant.  Sadly, I very much doubt I would make it into the Xavier's School for Gifted Youngsters as I don't possess the powers of flight, super strength or the ability to fire laser beams from my ringpiece. The latter of those I find particularly upsetting as it would have made making friends at school that much easier.

I digress... my mutation is that of the extra toe. Well, two, one on each foot. Sharing the wealth.

Six toed pen prep...

One of my finest memories was a friend of mine with a foot fetish being truly repulsed by the idea of someone having six toes. Made a pleasant change from being repulsed by my face (which upon first glance does resemble a hippo's undercarriage).

So anyway, with these extra toes adding balance and poise to the fairly simple task of writing my name with my feet, how could this possibly go wrong?

How a foot with Parkinson's Disease signs things...

Ok, so it looks uncannily like I was doing this on one of those power plates and being jiggled about a bit. The point is, not done it before and have now done it. I'm taking it.

Also, I'm really not happy about the colour of the carpet.

Project 365 Redux: 3rd Jan 2013 - Bet £20 on Red on a Roulette spin

I do like a trip to the casino every now and again.  If nothing else, it's a fascinating study of human behaviour, although you do also win some dollar sometimes as well.  Win win. Unless you lose.

Didn't really think that one through... a bit scattergun tonight folks, bear with me.

I felt it was time to get the lovely flatmate involved (she rocks a mean Christmas jumper) so a few swift texts over the day and a bargain was struck.  The deal was this:

• We go to the casino (the very welcoming Manchester 235, should anyone care to visit - http://www.manchester235.com)
• I buy £20 worth of gaming chips for a Roulette table
• I place said £20 worth of chips on Red (thus offering a 48.6% chance of doubling up - the standard odds for said bet)
• If I win - I walk away with £20 clear profit which I then blow on a dirty Chinese takeaway for the both of us.
• If I loss - I get my parking validated and come home a clear loser in the giant Roulette wheel of life.

So off we popped, after a quick change of clothes to ensure that I get through the door (I've not shaved for well over a week and these sorts of places tend to frown on the homeless dropping by).

Before I reveal the all important results:  £20 in chips looks awesome (given that they were in 50p denominations).  I couldn't take a picture unfortunately (again, something frowned upon) but as I was provided those two stacks of red chips, myself and the lovely flatmate shared a look that said only one thing; we will dine well tonight, and with that the wheel of fortune was spun...

Once again, proving I am a winner in this game of life...

Yep... free parking was mine, all mine...

In truth, I had the feeling that this was likely to happen - I've not had the best of days and this is obviously some kind of karmic payback on my part.  Still, not only did the lovely flatmate get to go to a casino for the first time and express a desire to go back and rock some blackjack at some stage, she's also been lovely enough to make us dinner despite the disappointment of missing out on free food (Pad Thai, should anyone be interested...).

Not a happy ending tonight... not a happy boy tonight in all honesty.  Still, onwards towards victory we march...

Project 365 Redux: 2nd Jan 2013 - Get to grips with a Clarisonic

So, having managed to survive the nightmares and mental scarring that Day 1 provided, it was decided that today would be much more pleasurable. So once again, my beloved girlfriend took it upon herself to help me out and let me have a pop with her Clarisonic. According to the official website, this cunning device is described as "a Sonic Skin Cleansing System that uses a patented sonic frequency of more than 300 movements per second to clean, soften and smooth skin. In just 60 seconds, the action removes more makeup and more dirt and sebum than cleansing with your hands alone. Removing more dirt and sebum from your pores also helps prepare for a better skin care regime".

Impressed - you damn well should be.  Until you see it...



This is what I like to think of as 'The Arse Buffer'...


This is just the more delicate model.  There are bigger and better ones than this.  The biggest ones I've seen so far are at the car wash. They wash my car. Sadly they don't moisturise it.

However, my girlfriend (patience of a saint, bless her) insists it will be good for my mush to give it a whirl so in the spirit of being game...

This is the face of a beautiful man. BEAUTIFUL.

So, after 50 seconds of smooth bristles vibrating on my face (keep it clean, children...), apparently my face was glowing.  Whether this was through the benefits of the Clarisonic or because I've done my second slightly girly thing in 2 days I can't decide.  Something more 'manly' needs to be on the agenda tomorrow.  Punch a cow in the face or sommat.  Plenty of time to go.

Oh, before I forget - you lot need to be getting more involved.  Find some stuff for me to do.  Suggest stuff.  Farm it out to friends and family.  One team, one dream.  Let's dew eet!

Project 365 Redux: 1st Jan 2013 - Watch the 'Sex and The City' movie...

Happy New Year!

I say happy - this is how I've chosen to kick it off...

Kill me.  Kill me now.

The Two Disc Extended Cut with added misery and backstage footage of Sarah Jessica Parker caught with her face in a nosebag (because folk thinks she looks like a horse, innit...).  Let it be known that under normal circumstances, there is no way on Earth that I would even have this in the house but my beloved girlfriend (who even at this early stage could easily be described as 'long suffering'...) is doing her bit to support me in this endeavour (despite proclaiming "does this mean there are going to be days where I don't get to see you because you're going to be off doing something stupid?") and she happened to have it kicking about.  Apparently this year of humiliation and degradation is going to start with the mental torture.

To reassure you: I did indeed watch the movie, which centres around SJP getting jilted at the altar by Chris Noth (more impressive in Law & Order for my money), Cynthia Nixon being angry and ginger (not necessarily in that order), Kristen Davies being squeaky and dreadful at acting and Kim Cattrall... just being Kim Cattrall really.  Jennifer Hudson puts in a decent cameo and is by far and away the most 'real' thing about this movie and was responsible for most of the more heart-warming moments of the film.  By heart warming of course, I mean the "not wanting to run to the kitchen, grab the sharpest knife and paint the walls with my arteral blood" moments.

In fairness, I was warned by the back cover of the DVD where a figure no less impressive than Edith Bowman declared the movie to be "a classic".  Yet I drove on regardless.  I'm committed now.  These things need to be done.

I'm sure Day 2 will be better for both my mind, body and soul...